About ten years ago, I was very into posting quotes as Facebook statuses.
And because the internet never forgets, here's proof:
(You’ll have to click “Read more” to see the picture.)
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Read MoreI just heard my eldest yawn audibly…the kind of yawn that comes with a good stretch. That’s a pretty solid cue that he’s about to emerge from his room, and I feel like I am no longer breaking some sort of magical spell by saying what I'm about to say — because at the time of writing this, it is 7:55am on a Friday morning.
I am the only human awake and moving in my household, and it's been that way since 6:30am.
I even have coffee.
(Every parent on the planet is like FOOL YOU JINXED IT but it’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.)
I won't lie — I got up so that I could get a head start on writing, but when I realized no one else was awake I didn't want to start anything meaningful; that's usually when spidey senses rouse the kidlets from slumber.
Read MoreThe other day, when my friend Sara asked what my writing plan was, I told her that I was going to use this prompt from For Women Who Roar:
It seems so cliché — the therapy scene where you sit down and are asked to talk about your upbringing. You know. Heal your inner child and all that crap. And it's easy to dismiss the past when you want to deal with the issues at present...but it's also impossible to separate the two.
Because all of the experiences we have today are based on what we learned in the past, and the way that we make sense of those experiences has everything to do with what we create for ourselves in the future.
To get where you want to go, you have to know where you've been.
But remembering is a funny thing. The brain doesn't work like a computer, fetching a video for you to watch for a real time play-by-play, even though that's kind of how we think about it.
Memory is much more fluid than that, and constantly evolving —
Read MoreOne of my favourite times of year in high school + college was the break you'd get after exams were over. I liked it even more than March break because for a brief pocket of time there weren't any academic expectations of me.
I live in a pretty constant state of feeling like what I'm doing isn't "enough."
There aren't enough hours in the day to do all the writing, all the meal prep, all the quality time with my kids, all of the client work, all of the cleaning...the list goes on. And on. Ad nauseum.
(Literally — one of my major anxiety markers is nausea and barfing. Isn't that a fun fact you didn't expect to learn about me today!)
My therapist wrote a post-it note for me after a session one day, and it said:
Read MoreI remember reading one of Glennon Doyle's books and she mentions that she wrote a bunch of it while sitting in her car, and while holed up in a closet...so I feel like I'm in good company here.
And I'm about to be in even better company because I'm at the airport to pick up one of my best friends! 😍
She's flying in from Ontario (with her wee baby) to hang out with me and the boys for a couple days while Joe works out of town, and I am so grateful.
They say it takes a long time to grow an old friend...this one's been growing for 32 years.
Because my crew isn't an average one — it's made up of extraordinary human beings.
Read MoreTo say that I was excited to find Pride and Prejudice (the Kiera Knightley version, duh) is now on the Canadian Netflix is an understatement.
In fact, to call my excitement an understatement, is also an understatement.
I've watched Pride and Prejudice more times than I can count, and spent countless nights as a teen falling asleep while I watched the DVD.
...TBH the sleeping thing is a bit of a conditioned response now. I'm not sure if I can stay awake for the whole film, but I love every moment of it.
Read MorePeople who use that expression, and those that don't.
My mom is a person who uses that expression, and one of the phrases I heard over and over while growing up is, "There are two kinds of people in this world: Givers and Takers."
I wanted to be a Giver (duh, sounds way better) but it turns out that I'm a Taker.
When I tell people this, they're usually a bit surprised and try to insist that they know me to be generous and giving. Which I am -- but only because it's done very intentionally and with boundaries in place.
That's the thing about Takers: it's not that we don't give at all, we just don't give by default. Giving is a skill that we have to learn and practise.
Read MoreI have been an earth-side mother for 1,441 days. Which means that’s how long it’s been since I felt my brain belonged to me, and it was about 10 months before that, that I last felt like my body was my own.
I always “knew” I wanted to have kids, but I didn’t have the language to describe my transition into motherhood until I was listening to “Nobody Talks About This,” a podcast by Elise & Scott Grice. The clarity came when I heard them describe the word trauma.
I always thought of trauma as a physical event, like being shot or abused. And to be honest, I’ve had a pretty a-ok (read: privileged) life. That’s not to say there haven’t been hard moments, but I’d be hard-pressed to look back and say, “here is an isolated incident that seriously fucked me up.”
Read MoreI spend a lot of time thinking about legacy and stories — what we inherit, what we live out, and what we pass on. Especially as I watch my kids learn how to make sense of the world around them and write their own stories.
Watching my kids mirror me is a sobering experience to say the least, and it serves as a constant reminder of the influence I have on the stories they write, and ultimately the legacy that they pass on.
When I was in grade 2, my teacher got a book out of the library that contained names and their meanings. She sat on a stool at the front of the room and looked up each student's name and the corresponding meaning; Justine wasn't in there.
That tiny event ended up carrying a lot of weight for kid me — why was everyone else's name in that book and mine wasn't? Also, I could never find a personalized pen or keychain with my name, so I swore I'd never give my kids weird names….sorry kids but not sorry.
Anyway.
Read MoreIf you’ve had any amount of real conversation with me, you will have heard me say this: Both things can be true.
It’s a concept that I had to start wrapping my head around when I became a mother and the range of emotions and experiences was making my head spin. How was it possible that I could love my babies so much and want absolutely nothing to do with them in that moment? How could the role of mother be simultaneously so rewarding and so exhausting?
Eventually I had to embrace contradiction and settle in a place of uncertainty and murkiness, where both things were true. And once I accepted that, I became to embrace the contradictions and nuances all around me.
That good people can do bad things.
That bad people can do good things.
That people can be acting with the best of intentions and still do irreparable harm.
That something can be your responsibility, without being your fault.
That you can be nice, without being kind.
That all seems counter-intuitive — and surely the point of the truth is that there is only one, right? That’s what evangelical christianity taught me, and that black-and-white this-or-that model has influenced so much of our culture, politics, and society as a whole.
Read MoreI find myself sitting at the bar, again. Staring at a blinking cursor and blank screen, again.
Because there is so much that I want to say, and it all tries to come pouring out at once. And in the cacophony of thoughts, it’s tough to pull the clarity out. But I’m here, and I’m trying.
We have two days left until Election Day here in Canada, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared.
Not because I think that a new party will come into power and everything will suddenly change because that’s not it…I’m afraid of the division, and what we are giving voice to in our country.
I’ve been pretty vocal about my desire for a progressive government, specifically throwing my support behind Jagmeet Singh and the New Democrats.
Yes, I think Jagmeet is the most sincere of the leaders (well, and Elizabeth May…I love her!) and the NDP platform speaks to a lot of the struggles that I’m facing as a millennial, a parent, a woman, and [insert demographic descriptor of choice here].
But more than that, the NDP platform is one that’s rooted in inclusivity. In hope. In taking care of each other. And I care about that, a lot. A lot a lot.
Now. I haven’t always been a left side supporter.
Read MoreIt's no secret that I struggled with a nasty bout of postpartum depression and anxiety after baby two.
It's taken me a couple years to unpack everything that went on — and while some of that unpacking has been done publicly, the majority of it is done privately.
That process led me to examine not only my experience with mental illness and addiction, but to reflect on how things could have gone differently if I were someone else. It does all the time.
Read MoreI am going to start this post with a major brag/celebration. A bold move for a Monday morning, I know, but let's do it.
It is currently 7:15am and I have daycare lunches packed and ready to go, the kitchen is not in a state unfit for the general population, and the kids are having an actual food breakfast. Oh, and I have coffee. All of the winning.
To those with the untrained eye and ear, that just sounds like providing the basics of parenting - alive and fed.
But. Getting out the door in the morning with kids is like facing a walk across an expansive field... that's full of barbed wire.
Read MoreIt's Monday morning - the morning that always holds the most possibility for me. And, it's a particularly sweet Monday because it is 7:22am and my kids are still sleeping.
I know -- the moms out there just had a chill. Like DONT SAY IT AND TEMPT FATE!
But I did, and I shit you not - the toddler just started making noise. Crap.
I'm going to cross my fingers and persist...because I found myself with a moment of choice this morning. I wanted to make coffee (crap. now the baby is up too.)
I WILL PERSIST AND WRITE A BLOG POST.
Read MoreOne of the biggest takeaways I've gotten from working + momming is that if I can do it from my phone, I can do anything.
It reduces friction in the process, which makes things easier to do. Theoretically.
I've discovered that Squarespace has a blogging app. I'm so excited. I no longer have to lug my computer around to blog, and it means that I can write around babies.
I'M SO EXCITED.
Of course it means you (reader, whoever you are) will be subject to much more verbal vomit.
I hope you're excited too.
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