I'm all about making things easier to do

One of the biggest takeaways I've gotten from working + momming is that if I can do it from my phone, I can do anything.

It reduces friction in the process, which makes things easier to do. Theoretically.

I've discovered that Squarespace has a blogging app. I'm so excited. I no longer have to lug my computer around to blog, and it means that I can write around babies.

I'M SO EXCITED.

Of course it means you (reader, whoever you are) will be subject to much more verbal vomit.

I hope you're excited too.

Another Thursday, Another Shitty Blog Post: Chatting On The Phone And At The Bar

Have I mentioned that Thursday is really one of my favourite days? They said that anticipating something is half of the job, and I really love looking forward to the weekend. Friday used to be my favourite day of all because what holds more promise than the idea of everything you’re going to do that weekend?!

So as if the anticipation of the weekend on a Friday wasn’t enough (#TGIF), I dubbed Thursday as my favourite day of the week; it is, after all, Friday’s Friday.

Today, on the eve of the weekend’s eve, I have had conversations with two very different women who are on two very different sides of the mothering spectrum. One is my kick-ass-client who just had a baby girl a couple weeks ago, and the other was a 55yr old single mom of two teenage girls.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s my years working in women’s healthcare, but I seem to invite conversation from other women when I’m sitting at a bar. For the record, I think this is awesome. I do not love attracting attention from middle-aged men who ask me asinine questions about my computer charger while I’m trying to work…but that’s a topic for another day.

I will always have space to talk to my sisters and today was no exception.

Between the two conversations, where were a couple of overlapping themes that I wanted to share with you because sharing is caring and all that bullshit, and, I’m really trying to get into a practice of publishing. Cue all the eeps.

So. For all of you waiting with bated breath, here are the (undetermined number of) things that emerged from conversations:

  1. Cut. Yourself. Some Slack. You are pretty much always doing the best you can with the tools and resources at your fingertips — looking back and shoulda/coulda/woulda-ing is a recipe for neuroses, and, you have no idea how things would have gone differently. Remember “The Butterfly Effect” with that beautiful babyface Ashton Kutcher? Small shifts make huge changes. Most people don’t wake up thinkings “Hm, I’m gonna be a total asshole and screw everyone over today. So. Shoulda/Coulda/Woulda will kill you. You did the best you can, with what you knew, and when you know better, you do better.

  2. Stop. Apologizing. Whether you just had a baby and you’re saying “sorry” that you didn’t respond to a text within 12 hours or you are taking a hot fucking minute for yourself at the pub before you pick up your kids, stop apologizing. Make choices that support Y-O-U and as a by-product, your family will be taken care of. Whether it’s the fill your own cup or oxygen mask analogy that resonates with you, stop apologizing for taking time to yourself and not being responsive and reactive to everyone else’s needs over your own. I go to the local pub almost every day for a drink before I pick up my kids, and I sit at the bar. Most days, 95% of my bar companions are dudes. And that’s fine — because they aren’t apologizing for it. I can’t wait until the day I sit down next to another woman at the bar and she doesn’t apologize for being there, when it’s the only two minutes she’s taken for herself all day.

  3. I have to get my kids from daycare. I wanted to get to a number 3 because I am an odd/prime number kind of girl…but alas, it is the time of day that I have to get my kids from daycare. I just got off the phone with hubs and we’re meeting here for supper…so Imma get the kids and turn around and come back. But. Either way. I don’t have time for number three. But I have time to think of it.

In case you already forgot:

Cut yourself some slack.
Stop apologizing.

XO
J

Here I am again! Another day, another shitty blog post.

It’s very freeing to write with the expectation that nobody is reading this. Remember the early days of blogging? Like the LiveJournal days when sharing had nothing to do with strategy and everything to do with channeling teenage angst?

Sigh. Those were The Days.

Anywho.

It’s Friday afternoon at 4:16. I am sitting at my favourite local pub, mostly because my favourite all-around-beer is very cheap here. Highly motivating.

I went to therapy today - fun fact. I’ve been very resistant to therapy for years, and still find myself resistant to it now.

You guys - I have a background in healthcare and stress management. So the fact that I’m struggling to cope with parenting stress despite everything I know is sometimes embarrassing to say. Also. I struggle to spell variations of the word :”embarrassment.” It feels like a lot of consonants for one word.

I can be a little over-analytical at times. Today I told my therapist that part of why I’m going to her is so I have someone who can tell me when I’ve done enough thinking and processing. My brain loves being busy…whether that’s an avoidance thing or not remains to be determined…but I have such a hard time getting my brain to stop. And then I wonder why I’m so freaking tired and anxious…she wasn’t wrong in calling out that it’s exhausting to think this much.

The thing is, I get really hung up on things being “productive” uses of my time. So when she asked about self-care lately, the only “non-productive” thing I could think of was reading a beautiful cookbook from front to back…and that even arose from trying to meal plan. Still productive. So she challenged me to do something that felt good, just because…and that doesn’t include mindless Instagram scrolling, which is my default.

Now. When she mentioned seeking out something for joy’s sake, I actually got angry. Like, “I KNOW THIS SHIT” kind of angry, because I do know it in theory. But what I’m struggling with is a connection between the cerebral knowing and the actual doing of things. As much as this is the advice I’ve given e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y I work with, being on the receiving end of it had me feeling patronized, and angry. Like. How dare you tell me this. I obviously know.

And yet, my practice of it is off.

I have tried a lot of the things that “should” be the answer…and then I get hung up on if it’s for productivity or because I enjoy it. Or do I enjoy it because I feel like it’s a productive use of my time? Am I running or working out for the endorphins, or because I feel like it will make my body more acceptable? I don’t know…and constantly checking my intentions is exhausting.

So. This brings me to the end of my beer, and time to get my kids. I don’t have an answer for any of this…I’m not even sure what the question is. But if my rambling is able to give someone else permission to wonder, is that enough?

Maybe. But also, I have been drinking.

Happy Friday, friends.

Taking Advantage of Tiny Brave Moments: This Week in My Business

Oh my lanta. I wanted to write this big long blog about what I’ve been up to, and my computer only has 7% battery. I have my charger, it’s plugged in, AND IT’S NOT WORKING.

I won’t lie - I’m panicking a bit. I’m also committed to posting on the blog. So here we go.

This week, I took advantage of a couple of brave moments, and put myself out there. In ways that felt terrifying and and brave and all of the things. It involved sending one email, and one Instagram message. (AH THE LOW BATTERY NOTIFICATION SHOWED UP)

The things I did: I made a pitch to a podcast I’ve been listening to, and I contacted someone I came across who does the exact same thing as me, except (cue imposter syndrome) — she is much more polished than I am. Like, I am almost always flying by the seat of my pants in my own life. Also, this woman is doing some really awesome work in maternal health advocacy. I’m a fan.

My initial reaction to coming across this woman was oh shit, this is the exact same as me. Exact same. I panicked, and then had to remind myself that I had never come across her before this so I hadn’t copied anything — it’s a good sign when someone else is doing what you do because it validates that there’s a market for it. And, I expect we will see a huge surge around supporting those of us on the self-employed spectrum through prenatal and parenthood — we all graduated around the same time, hit the freelance world, and now are having babies. The timing checks out.

3%. I’m starting to sweat a bit.

So. I tracked this woman down on Instagram and sent her a message that said hey, so stoked/shocked to find another business babyproofer, love the work you’re up to, I used to work in healthcare too, it’s a v necessary conversation. And send. This was terrifying. This woman is very smart, and I’m a little intimidated. But I only needed one tiny moment of bravery to hit send.

2%.

The other move I made was pitching a podcast. After freaking out about my imposter syndrome, I reminded myself of my integrity and decided to stick to the plan, which is working with writers. I love those crazies, and I know our work aligns. So I pitched a certain podcast for copywriters, results TBD. Cough, cough. I submitted the query through a form on their site and forgot to save what I wrote, but I can tell you it involved notes about taxidermic guinea pigs and fun facts about genetic mutations. I will keep you posted.

Before I hit 1% my last act of bravery will be publishing this now. To come: a post about marketing as an introvert, and another about my favourite 3 emails lately.

J

I'm really tired of "supposed to"

I'm really tired of "supposed to"

I've been avoiding using the internet for work lately, unless it's an absolute necessity - like responding to important emails, writing up new contracts...and that's about it. things like social media, writing, slack groups...I just kind of stopped.

at first, I felt guilty - I suck at sending regular emails at the best of times, and I haven't even been pretending to make an effort to write anything.