Another Thursday, Another Shitty Blog Post: Chatting On The Phone And At The Bar
Have I mentioned that Thursday is really one of my favourite days? They said that anticipating something is half of the job, and I really love looking forward to the weekend. Friday used to be my favourite day of all because what holds more promise than the idea of everything you’re going to do that weekend?!
So as if the anticipation of the weekend on a Friday wasn’t enough (#TGIF), I dubbed Thursday as my favourite day of the week; it is, after all, Friday’s Friday.
Today, on the eve of the weekend’s eve, I have had conversations with two very different women who are on two very different sides of the mothering spectrum. One is my kick-ass-client who just had a baby girl a couple weeks ago, and the other was a 55yr old single mom of two teenage girls.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s my years working in women’s healthcare, but I seem to invite conversation from other women when I’m sitting at a bar. For the record, I think this is awesome. I do not love attracting attention from middle-aged men who ask me asinine questions about my computer charger while I’m trying to work…but that’s a topic for another day.
I will always have space to talk to my sisters and today was no exception.
Between the two conversations, where were a couple of overlapping themes that I wanted to share with you because sharing is caring and all that bullshit, and, I’m really trying to get into a practice of publishing. Cue all the eeps.
So. For all of you waiting with bated breath, here are the (undetermined number of) things that emerged from conversations:
Cut. Yourself. Some Slack. You are pretty much always doing the best you can with the tools and resources at your fingertips — looking back and shoulda/coulda/woulda-ing is a recipe for neuroses, and, you have no idea how things would have gone differently. Remember “The Butterfly Effect” with that beautiful babyface Ashton Kutcher? Small shifts make huge changes. Most people don’t wake up thinkings “Hm, I’m gonna be a total asshole and screw everyone over today. So. Shoulda/Coulda/Woulda will kill you. You did the best you can, with what you knew, and when you know better, you do better.
Stop. Apologizing. Whether you just had a baby and you’re saying “sorry” that you didn’t respond to a text within 12 hours or you are taking a hot fucking minute for yourself at the pub before you pick up your kids, stop apologizing. Make choices that support Y-O-U and as a by-product, your family will be taken care of. Whether it’s the fill your own cup or oxygen mask analogy that resonates with you, stop apologizing for taking time to yourself and not being responsive and reactive to everyone else’s needs over your own. I go to the local pub almost every day for a drink before I pick up my kids, and I sit at the bar. Most days, 95% of my bar companions are dudes. And that’s fine — because they aren’t apologizing for it. I can’t wait until the day I sit down next to another woman at the bar and she doesn’t apologize for being there, when it’s the only two minutes she’s taken for herself all day.
I have to get my kids from daycare. I wanted to get to a number 3 because I am an odd/prime number kind of girl…but alas, it is the time of day that I have to get my kids from daycare. I just got off the phone with hubs and we’re meeting here for supper…so Imma get the kids and turn around and come back. But. Either way. I don’t have time for number three. But I have time to think of it.
In case you already forgot:
Cut yourself some slack.